It’s a new year, a new dawn aaaaaaaand same Setarra. Just a little more settled into myself with a stronger sense of identity, confidence and audacity.
Every year, I choose a word to set the tone for the next 365 days.
2018 was a year of “SELF” where I focused on being more aware of what made me thrive and what made me feel stunted.
And so today, I thought I’d share some of those realizations made after my year of self-observation as well as my word for 2019.
1) I have to schedule time to schedule time… Especially if I want to have any kind quality, restorative time and want to effectively manage a part-time side hustle while working a full-time job.
Your girl has a really bad habit of burning the candle at both ends. It’s something I’ve been doing since I was in middle school. Working. Working so much, all the time on various things, all with the singular goal of “making it in life”. Making my parents proud. Making enough money to live a better life than the one they lived. Making myself “happy” by doing everything I’ve been taught to do since a young adult.
But man oh man, the “make it” hustle can be so exhausting. Annnnnd since I turned 18, I’ve been doing it myself. Recognizing this has been liberating but also daunting because I don’t know how else to operate. I don’t know how to not be working on something.
So in an effort to start somewhere, I worked on shifting how I juggle life from operating from a reactive to proactive time management approach. This has made a big impact in making me feel like I’m actually running my life instead of feeling like my life is running me.
Starting last November, I now set aside 1-2 hours every Sunday to sit down and map out my time and tasks for the week via a method called calendar blocking and so far, so good.
As a visual person, calendar blocking has helped me to see how much free time I actually have everyday to spend on my never ending to-do list.
It has also helped me to understand when I’m at capacity and need to push a task to another day or week or when I need to schedule “don’t do anything” time for myself.
This is still an on-going process but so far, I feel like I’m working in the right direction towards living a more balanced life.
2) Finding consistent motivation to work out and eat healthy has to come from a place of loving myself and body where it is NOW.
I used to work out and diet because I didn’t like my body which is probably why I kept stopping and starting all the time… My motivation was being fed by negative energy and that kind of “motivational energy” created an unhealthy perspective of believing my body was never good enough, even when I did lose weight which is why I kept stopping… I had a hard time recognizing my own progress.
Developing a healthy perspective and relationship with my body has been a process… One that I think will continue to develop and evolve for the rest of my life. But I know now that I have to approach health and fitness from a place of love, acceptance, and joy or the lifestyle I want for myself won’t happen.
3) Majority of my stress stems from inactivity, whether it’s not moving my body or not doing something I said I was going to do. I can’t let myself get stuck in the revolving door of performance anxiety. I just gotta MOVE and DO… Cuz when I do, I’m less stressed.
My mind… It’s always thinking and trying to prepare for every possible best or worst case scenario. I have all these ideas in my head of things I want to do or create but then I start thinking about whether that idea is “good enough”… Or I start thinking about all the little details that will go into making that idea a reality and immediately get overwhelmed and shutdown.
This characteristic works great in my 9 to 5 work environment or when traveling because I’m always prepared with a plan B or C, if plan A doesn’t go as planned. But in my personal life, this need for security and control has also created alot of unnecessary stress.
Working to be more self-aware and catch/block these anxious thoughts before they develop enough power to negatively influence my actions has helped. Also, letting go of expectations and focusing on the process of doing things as opposed to the grand outcome has helped as well.
4) Relationships can only truly (and deeply) be reaffirmed and supported through in-person interactions and phone calls. Not text or social media.
I feel like this realization is pretty self-explanatory. It’s played a major role in my hosting more get-togethers with friends and family and establishing boundaries with how much time I spend on social media.
5) To get through a funky phase in life, one must actually sit in the funk.
Don’t fight it, don’t run from it. I must sit in it and recognize/see the funk for what it is in order to be able to work myself out of it. Reminding myself that I am doing the best that I can do throughout all the funkiness has been crucial. I’m not perfect and don’t have to maintain that semblance of perfection when I’m not feeling it.
In my experience, the funk will eventually pass as it always tends to do over time annnnd, if it doesn’t, I’ve also learned and come to terms about the fact that it is totally ok to seek outside help.
6) I need to structure my LIFE (not my 9 to 5 work) so it fulfills my soul.
Having a healthy and objective mental distance from my work (no matter how passionate I am about it) is essential to avoiding burnout. I can’t afford take everything personally because 1) it’s just work, not life and 2) I don’t get paid enough in my 9 to 5 to be draining myself that I can’t properly operate as a person and partner to my husband when I get home from work every evening.
Also, if I can, avoid all forms of “work drama” at allllll costs. And if I can’t avoid it, then I gotta make sure I don’t bring it home because the hubby doesn’t deserve any of that energy.
7) It’s both reassuring & overwhelming to know/believe that I am good, heck I’m great, at everything I do. I’m little all over the place with everything I juggle as a multicultural, multidimensional, multi-passionate person. But while my progress is slower, my mind stays stimulated.
I’ve never been a one trick pony or had a clear career path… I’m a super curious human being who enjoys feeding my brain with new information and trying/mastering new things. In my 31 years of life so far, I’ve worked as an arts manager, dancer, teacher, choreographer, babysitter, photographer, blogger/content creator, project coordinator, librarian, executive assistant, waitress, bartender, study abroad tour guide, retail associate, and apartment leasing consultant.
A huge reason for my lengthy resume has to do with the fact that I’ve never been able to make enough money doing just one job to live comfortably. Especially when I first started out working professionally as a dancer/ dance teacher.
I used to think of my kaleidoscope of experiences as a bad thing… Like I was all over the place. But I now realize these experiences have given me many transferable skills that make me now qualified to work in any kind of field I want.
So no more comparing myself to other people’s career trajectories or trying to put myself and my career path in a box. I’m going to embrace that I’m a star with many revolving points of talents and skills and make the most of it.
Which leads me to my word for 2019 = “BE”.
This year I’m giving myself and my mind permission to be “free to be me, free to create and free to share” while also maintaining my financial stability as that has always been the biggest stressor/suffocator of my creative endeavors.
Looking back, alot of what has held me back in life has been me getting in my own damn way, both mentally and physically.
So this year, I’m stepping aside and in 2019, I’ma just let myself BE.
Starting with sharing unpublished photos and a video in today’s post from my trip to Miami in 2017 with the help of my trusty tripod and self-timer remote control.
I woke up with the sky to watch the sunrise and felt moved to immerse myself in the environment. To dance with the wind and play against the waves that kept trying to pull me off-balance and into the ocean. I even did a handstand for the first time in a lonnnnnng time lol.
It’s a memory that reminds me to stay open to the variant flow of life and to keep trying new things no matter how big or small. It also makes me feel free, grounded and calm which is the kind of vibe I’m going to work to maintain for myself this year.
Do you have a word for 2019?
xo, Setarra
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