Happy New Year!
Last week, I shared a post recapping how I did in 2017 with manifesting my goals.
Annnd today, I wanted to share that, in midst of manifesting, I also had a little breakdown last summer right after graduation that resulted in me sitting on Charles’s lap, ugly crying, hyperventilating over the fact that I was tired, stressed, and feeling lost/out of control with where I was in life.
To finally be done with grad school and not know what I want to do with myself and all this free time I suddenly had… I was freaking out because, for the first time in a lonnnng time, I didn’t have a plan.
And if you’ve been following this blog for a while, ya’ll know I’m a planner. But the last major “life plan” I had made for myself was 4 years ago when I decided to move from NYC to Virginia for grad school. So now with school done, I was at a loss.
Add in the fact that 3 1/2 years of juggling various responsibilities (work, grad school, personal and financial matters, being a wife, sister, daughter, friend + the heaviness of the world in 2017) had taken its toll on me emotionally and physically…
It all caught up with me post-graduation and I was forced to really look in the mirror and assess.
Typically, I would deal with an issue like this internally by telling myself to “just keep swimming.” To just keep chugging along while unknowingly losing pieces of myself along the way.
And it wasn’t until my episode on Charles’s lap that I realized this beloved saying coined from Finding Nemo wasn’t working for me.
Just keep swimming…
But what if my form is off and I’m actually causing more harm to myself than good while trying to “just keep swimming”?
And what if where I’m swimming to is no longer where I want to go?
I say all this because I was barely keeping my head above water these past couple of years and I know now that I CAN’T keep swimming the way I’m swimming.
Heck, I don’t even think you could call what I was doing swimming… It was more like doggy paddling.
So this year, I’m starting over.
Finding my new form and direction. Learning how to “swim” efficiently, properly and, most importantly, with my heart in it to win it.
Which leads me to my word for 2018: SELF
This year, I’m giving mySELF permission…
– To be vulnerable and honestly explore who I am as 30 year old woman, independent of the “wife, student, teacher, daughter, sister, friend” hats I wear.
– To not be so hard on myself and relax more.
– To continue to take better care of myself.
– To take the ideas that have been floating around my mind for so long and find the courage to make them real.
– To deal with my insecurities and anxiety proactively.
– To be more present. For myself and the people I care about.
– To do more of what makes me happy and less of what doesn’t.
– To embrace what it means to be a fire elemental Aries and an introvert.
– To create my own definition of what success means to me.
– To be selfish and not feel guilty about it.
– To shine bright in ways that I’ve held myself back from shining in the past.
(^^ This isn’t an official to-do list. More like a guiding reference on my intentions for 2018.)
Overall, my focus this year is to simply get back in touch with myself… The person that’s been manifesting under the radar while I was focused on manifesting other externally motivated things in life these past couple of years.
Who is Setarra? What does Setarra want? How can Setarra be the best Setarra she can be?
I’m not sure right now but, this year, I’m gonna set aside dedicated time to find out.
I can do this, I WILL do this, I’m a bad bitch. (repeat)
Do you have a word for 2018?
xo, Setarra
P.S. Photos above are a lil sneak peek from Charles and my social media-less trip to Miami last October. Can’t wait to begin where I left off with recapping my travels with you. One more post from Greece then Turkey, Jordan and finally Miami. Slow and steady… ;)
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