The summertime sadness was too real this season. But here I figuratively stand. Somehow still hopeful and finding ways to thrive in spite of the daily, distracting, heavy pounding reality of well… Everything that has or hasn’t happened so far throughout this year, 2020.
I found myself reverting back to old coping mechanisms (i.e. going into my mental hermit hole these past 3 months) to get through the chaos of it all but, eventually, that led me here. To this keyboard. To this post. To reflect on these summer moments. To remind myself that it wasn’t all bad and sad. And to remember there was real life, joy and beauty experienced in the breakdown.
A few captured moments from this summer below.
Summertime Lows:
– Experiencing stress-induced hair loss, thinning and skin breakouts.
– Working from home all summer and not taking any vacation whatsoever. Trips to San Francisco, Maine, and Chicago = all cancelled. First world problems, I know. But in hindsight, I should’ve taken at least one week off for a mental break staycation.
– And since we’re talking about work, virtual meetings have been a downer. Ugh, especially when they are two hours. Too long. Tooooo long. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful to be employed during these unstable times but working virtually in the middle of a pandemic has personally been such a draining experience. I’ma chug through because these bills won’t pay themselves but sometimes I question whether the benefit “saving on the commute time and expense” is worth the tradeoff…
– Politics, white supremacy, racism, the murder of Black people by police and climate change continuing to wreak havoc in the U.S. There were a few times things got so heavy that Charles and I started doing “news detoxes” because it was bringing us down.
– Figuring out how to deal with unexpected home issues on our own so as to avoid putting a work order for building maintenance to come through: 1. Our dryer broke so we’ve been airdrying our clothes 2. Last week, we found a leak and mushrooms growing under our sink. Replaced the pipe. Currently, trying to dry out the cabinet floor boards but it’s looking like we may need to tear them out and completely replace. (thank goodness for youtube because we have no idea what we’re doing)
– Four of my plants died because of well… self-neglect. As I mentioned in this post, when I’m good, my plants are good. And when I’m not, they don’t do so well either. So yea, I guess that’s an indicator for how rough this summer was.
– Realizing that my current 9-5 work situation is important and I’m great at what I do but.. I’m not passionate about it. Been trying to wrangle my head around what this means for me long term, career goals wise. Like, I’m in the lane I want to be but feel like I’m in the wrong car to get me as far as I aspire to go.
– Mourning the loss of family members (both Covid related and of natural causes). “Attending” a funeral via livestream is by far the one more surreal, disconnected experiences I’ve had to go through this year.
Summertime Highs:
– Nature Adventures. Hiking and kayaking have been my go-to social distanced forms of recreation. Is it just me or have the birds been extra chirpy this year? Anywho, I love it.
– My Dad married his love in an intimate outdoor ceremony and we had Giney for a week so he could have a honey(stay)cation. It’s the one and only time we’ve had anyone in our home since before March and it was such a niiiiiiice visit. Can you believe it tho, Giney is officially 10 as of August. TEN, i.e. pre-teen territory. Where has all the time gone?
– Baking, baking, baking.
– Celebrating 6 years of marriage and 13 years of togetherness with my Charles in July. <3
– Finally seeing changes in my body after 3 months of consistently working out five times a week.
– Picking up my SLR for the first time in a long while and getting back into taking photos for the simple, creative joy of it.
– Basking in the shadows of our home during golden hour and thoughtfully adding new decor to each room/wall, piece by piece. *Drafts long overdue “after the reno” condo tour post*
– Verzus, P-Valley, Lovecraft Country and getting reacquainted with tumblr.
– Swimming at our community pool, having it to ourselves for the first couple of hours (we would get there right when it opened at 10am) and leaving before the families rolled through around noon. Floating in water has never been more therapeutic.
– Backyard barbecues and outdoor distanced hangs with friends and family. That’s as far as Charles and I allowed ourselves to socialize this summer. All indoor invitations have been responded to with a firm “no”. Currently, trying to wrap our head around the holidays. The plan we’re leaning towards is to make all family members who want to congregate together agree to self-quarantine 2 weeks before Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then make everyone take tests right before we hang to keep everything as safe as possible? Ultimately, all planning depends on what the current state of affairs with Covid + Flu looks like this winter.
– Reading books, lots of them.
– Going to bed by 9:30-10pm. It was a struggle early on during the pandemic to sleep but I feel like I’m finally getting some decent rest these days.
– We finally gave in and bought a used, hybrid car… Technically under my name, making it the first car I’ve ever owned (insert late car bloomer here). After selling Charles truck two years ago and traveling via public transportation exclusively, the pandemic made us feel a bit stranded when our train line shut down for 3 1/2 months. But that all changed in late May and has drastically changed our lifestyle in a positive way.
With next Monday officially transitioning us from Summer to Fall, my goal for the final quarter of this year is to simply end the year in one, whole human piece. To pick up where I left off, get through to December 31 and to keep on going after that. One turtle step at a time, per usual… Rally up.
xo, Setarra
7
