Honest Hump Day | Who Am I?

I’m A Bitch, I’m A Lover … I’m A Child, I’m (NOT) A Mother … I’m A Sinner, I’m A Saint … I Do Not Feel Ashamed. I’m Your Hell, I’m Your Dream … I’m Nothing In Between … You Know You Wouldn’t Want It Any Other Way.

You ever ask your friends what they thought of you initially when they first met you? You know after you’ve been friends for 5-8 years and think you know everything about each other …

Some of my friends thought I was inspiring … I always spoke my mind when others didn’t.

Others thought I was a bitch … You know, cuz I always spoke my mind. (You can’t win I tell you lol)

Some thought I was ambitious … I fought for things I wanted and usually got them in the end.

Some thought I was a flirt and an attention whore… Because all the guys wanted to dance with me at the clubs and college parties.

But then they realized that I was actually pushing the guys OFF of me because I just wanted to dance.

And preferably without some random penis grinding up on my butt lol.

Some thought I was very focused … I was always working, dancing, choreographing, in rehearsal while in college. Constantly working towards the dream.

But the one word I’ve universally heard from my circle of friends when they’ve described their initial impression of me was that they thought and still think to this day that I am a Free-Spirit… Because despite all the other impressions they got from me, they always knew that what they saw was genuine and that I was who I was regardless of what our circle of people expected me to be.

So Who Am I? Well Sometimes… 

I get the urge to give a lapdance to the old man who sits on the bench every morning on the street corner in my neighborhood… Because I think it would make his day and put a smile on his face… Still haven’t done it yet tho. Soon enough.

Sometimes it takes me a long time to figure what my good qualities are.  Like I know I’m a good person, I just can’t pinpoint what’s so good about me? Sometimes I feel like shaving all my hair off because I feel like that’s my only claim to beauty… And I am NOT my hair. Sometimes, I seriously just don’t give a fuck. Sometimes I champion pregnant ladies who stand on the subway by asking the man on the train to get his ass up and offer his seat to her. Sometimes I cuss people out who purposely litter in NYC when there is a trash can right in front of them… NYC is dirty enough people.

Sometimes I like to let people think I’m a stripper when I tell them I dance and work in the arts … Because that’s what alot of people have thought and who am I to burst their ‘precious’ bubble ;) Sometimes I feel like getting hugs of love from little kids purifies me of my sins. Sometimes I like to wear granny panties that come up to my chest … They’re so comfy. Sometimes I want to defend people who’ve been wronged but then don’t … Because … What’s the point? Sometimes I feel like a bad bitch … In a good way. Sometimes when shitty things happen to me, I immediately remember that one time I did something shitty to another and think “Fuckin Karma…” Sometimes I cry while reading a Dr. Seuss book … His books are so simple and yet resonate so deeply. Sometimes I have a hard time expressing myself verbally and in those moments, I just dance.

Everyday… The weather dictates my moods. Everyday, I drink at least 2 cups of green tea.

Everyday, I sing in the shower. Everyday, I wear the gold dolphin ring my mom gave me when I was 12. I never take it off. Everyday, I check my boobs for lumps … And I don’t even know if I’m checking them out correctly lol. Everyday, I do my best to send out positive energy into the world. Everyday, I take a moment to stop and just look up at the sky and take the world into my senses. Everyday, I eat chocolate. Everyday, I struggle. Everyday, I dance, whether physically or in my heart. Everyday, I love. Everyday, I’m a different person.

I’m 25 years old … Bout to turn 26 tomorrow. My life has been full of unexpected twists and turns but throughout it all, I have no regrets.

So you ask who I am? The truth is … I have no idea. I don’t think I’ll ever know who I am until that moment … Right before I die… But I love myself and that’s good enough.

Cheers and Have a Happy Honest Hump Day!