Despite the surrounding circumstances leading up to my water breaking early at 32 weeks, being put on hospital bedrest for 2 weeks and then being induced at 34 weeks, I want to preface *our* birth story (me, Charles and BB) by saying it was indeed a positive one. Reflecting back on this day, I wouldn’t have had it go down any other way.
Saturday – August 28, 2021
My nurse had informed me the night before that I wouldn’t be able to eat solids once I was on pitocin; the synthetic version of the pregnancy hormone oxytocin which causes the uterus to contract a.k.a. labor to begin. Knowing this, Charles and I were awake by 6:00am to shower and put in our breakfast order right when the hospital’s kitchen opened at 6:30am.
I ordered a big breakfast = scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, potatoes, english muffin, blueberry muffin, strawberry yogurt, apple sauce, diced peaches, orange juice, apple juice and a hot tea. I then made myself eat and drink everything regardless of feeling full after consuming all the hot foods.
Feeling super fresh bodied (finally washed my hair for the first time in two weeks) and super full, a nurse arrived around 8:00am to transfer us from the antepartum wing to the labor and delivery wing.
A quick walkthrough of where everything was in our new room, the nurse left us to get settled while we waited for our doctor to start the process. In the downtime, Charles got his laptop out and we discussed what we wanted to watch throughout the day while I was in the early stages of labor. We settled on: The Hype, The Sweet Life, and 100 Foot Wave via our HBOMax app. In the meantime, the hospital tv was set to HGTV.
Also, during this time, Charles practiced his camera recording angles… Our cousin, Jarrod, had encouraged us to record our birth experience because, in his experience as a father of three, labor was a blur and we’d want something to look back on for ourselves and to share with our child later in life.
Soooo Charles put on his ‘Spike Lee’ hat and really took on the role of camera man with enthusiasm. I remember telling him that he could record anything he wanted as long as le coochie wasn’t in the direct shot. In response to my one filming boundary, he set up one of our phones in different places around my bed to see what angle worked best to record ‘the view without the cooch” lol.
By the time our OB doctor arrived, it was around 9:30am. We discussed my preferences for the day:
– I had completed my hypnobirthing course and wanted to give natural labor a real try but was also open to getting an epidural if I decided I wanted it later.
– Vaginal was the preference but I understood that if BB’s heart-rate was showing signs of stress, Doc would intervene and make the call on whether I needed to transition to getting a c-section.
– Delayed cord clamping = TBD based on the NICU (standing for neonatal or newborn intensive care unit) doctor’s determination. If preemie BB came out making noise, then we could delay cord clamping for a little bit. If BB was not making any noise or showing signs of breathing, it would need to be put on oxygen support immediately which necessitate clamping the cord asap. (34 week old babies are still developing their lung strength in the womb so we were aware ahead of time that breathing may be an issue when BB arrived).
– I wanted to stay upright, either sitting position or standing, as much possible while laboring. No laying back or all the way down. I had learned from my hypnobirthing course that gravity was my friend when being induced and would help my body transition through labor, putting less strain on BB, helping them to move down and out through my pelvic floor more effectively. Less stress on BB equated to lesser likelihood of getting a c-section.
^^ And that was that. My four main birthing preferences. Anything else that popped up while laboring, I’d deal with as they occurred.
Plan of attack agreed upon, the pitocin and electrolyte fluid bags were brought in by the nurse and I was hooked up to them via IV. At this point it was around 10:00am… Charles and I settled in and watched the Hype and Sweet Life episodes.
By 1:00pm, I was starting to feel some pressure in my lower abdomen area but no pain… I was also starting to feel hungry. So I called the nurse and asked what my options were for eating. She noted that I was on a ‘clear liquid diet’ and to share this with the hospital kitchen attendee we when called our order in; they would know what to put on my tray. Charles on the other hand could get anything he wanted.
What arrived an hour later for me was a food tray that had chicken broth, apple juice, jello and a cherry ice pop on it = super appetizing combination. Charles got a chicken ceasar wrap with chips and ate his meal behind my hospital bed so I couldn’t see him and ‘get jealous’… So considerate lol.
By 4:00pm, we were watching the 100 Foot Wave and the pressure in my lower ab/pelvic area was starting to bring on short, concentrated surges that I had to intentionally breath through. On a level of one to ten (with ten being the most painful), I would say these surges were on a level three. I was able to get through three one-hour long episodes fairly comfortably as long as I kept breathing.
Sometime between 4:00-6:00pm, my nurse came in to increase my dosage of pitocin and that’s when things started to ramp up.
Around 6:00pm, the surge levels had gone up to a level six and were coming on more frequently. I felt like I needed to be fully focused on my breathing without distractions to get through them. So Charles closed out the show, dimmed the lights in the room and pulled up my ‘calm, prego playlist’ (a bunch of sound bath music) and pulled up a chair behind me on my birthing ball to massage my back through each surge.
And this was pretty much how were for the rest of the evening… With my nurse coming in every 30 minutes to check on us or help adjust the heart monitor belts around my belly to make sure we were capturing BB’s heart beat accurately.
Throughout the day, I had been using the Freya app to track when each surge would begin and end. Whenever I hit the ‘start’ button, the app would switch to some British lady’s soothing voice counting me throughmy 4-count inhale, 8-count exhale breathing exercise. And in my mind, I kept reminding myself that each surged lasted only one minute a.k.a. three sets of inhales and exhales.
“This surge will be over in one minute.” “Each surge brings my closer to BB’s arrival.” “BB will arrive exactly as they should.” “I can do this, I will do this, I’m a bad bitch.”
^^ Over and over again, I repeated these mantras in my head to get through each surge.
Sunday – August 29, 2021
Midnight
Based on the Freya app, I was averaging five 45-second surges within 10 minutes and the Freya app noted that I was in full active labor. Mind you, when laboring naturally *without* pitocin, the birthing body experiences an average 3 surges within 10 minutes. But the pitocin in my system boosted things up exponentially; something I was aware would happen ahead of time but, goodness, going through it was an over stimulating experience.
At this point, my surge pain barometer was on a level 9.
Having Charles massage my lower back through each surge was no longer soothing but actually felt like it was adding to the pain. I also ended up switching my app settings from talking me through a 4s in, 8s out breathing exercise to a 3s in, 6s out breathing exercise because I was having a hard time sustaining a longer breath through the pain.
By 12:30am-ish, I found myself falling asleep a few times in between surges while on the birthing ball and jerking awake when I lost my balance on the ball, almost falling backwards, super grateful that Charles was behind me as a literal safety net. Your girl was tired. Pooped.
So I called the nurse and asked her to call my doctor to check how I was progressing in dilation.
20 minutes later, my doc inspected me and I was a whopping three centimeters dilated.
Let me repeat, THREE Centimeter Dilated.
14 hours of natural labor, 232 surges (per my Freya app) later and *only* three centimeters dilated?!
That was all I needed to hear to immediately know that I was ready to call in the anesthesiologist for an epidural.
To be clear tho, I didn’t want the epidural for the pain… The pain I could deal with and breathe through.
It was my endurance that was lagging. I was feeling like I just hiked up and down Old Rag Mountain TWO times in a row. Zombie exhausted, I just wanted to close my eyes, lay my head back and get some rest. I didn’t want to actively think or focus on anything. I just wanted to sleep.
Around 1:15am, the anesthesiologist showed up and, by that time, I was having full fledge 10+ pain level surges. To the point that with every surge, I couldn’t see, talk or hear anything outside of my breathing. My eyes were closed so I could hone in on my mind and body because I felt like if I broke my breathing, I would literally break and lose the little bit of ‘calm/zen’ left in me… And I didn’t want to break. I didn’t want to lose focus on the goal of bringing BB into the world mentally in control, regardless of how out of control my body felt.
That said, while the anesthesiologist was laying out the possible side effects of getting an epidural – I got a surge and didn’t hear a thing she said. All I know is that when I finally came to and she asked if I understood everything and still wanted the epidural, I said yes.
So the nurse and Charles helped me back up onto the bed and got me situated. The nurse showed me the curled up position I needed to be in while the anesthesiologist prepped her utensils. My eyes were still closed at this point. I had no idea where Charles was in the room. I just knew the nurse was in front of me and the anesthesiologist was behind me. This whole time, I’m continuing to get surges every two minutes with the nurse holding my shoulders in place, emphasizing that I *cannot* move while the epidural needle is being inserted into my back. When the anesthesiologist was finally ready, she told me to lock my body in position and let them know when my surge was done. So for 45 seconds, I breathed in and out through the next surge. When over, whispered loudly “Done”, and she went in with the needle, inserted the line and had the needle out by the time my next surge arrived with seconds to spare.
At this point, it’s 1:30am and I’m fully laid down in the bed. The drug is starting to flow through my body and the biting edge of each surge isn’t as strong anymore. By 1:45am, I’m fully numb in my lower body and barely feeling any pain, mostly just pressure when each surges comes on. Charles has laid down on the couch beside my bed and I’m just waiting for the nurse to insert my catheter so I can fully zonk out.
While she’s prepping me to put in the catheter, I feel the pressure of a surge come on but, instead of feeling pressure in my lower ab area, I feel it in my booty area… I let the nurse know this and her eyes go wide, “Ok, let me just get this catheter in and I’ll get the Doc to come check your dilation” she says.
After she’s put in the catheter, she notes, “I did meet some resistance inserting the tube which could mean that baby’s head way down.”
At which point, my eyes go wide and I say “Huh? You mean like I could start pushing soon?”
She says, “Sometimes this happens with our natural laboring patients. You’ve been laboring for such a long time that the minute we introduce the epidural into your system, your body just fully relaxes and everything opens up in a snap.”
10 minutes later, my doctor inspects me and, what do you know, I’m 10 centimeters dilated and baby’s head is super low in my pelvis… Which pretty much means I went from 3cm to 10cm dilated in 30 minutes. Go figure. O_O
It’s officially birthing time and our room quickly becomes a whirlwind of activity.
In addition to my main nurse, two additional nurses show up to prep the room. NICU is called and on their way up with BB’s heated isolette/incubator. Charles is setting up my phone up above the bed to record and while using his phone to record everything else handheld. My doc’s putting her scrubs on.
Then my nurse is getting me into position with my legs up and walking me through how to push. She asks me to do a practice push but then, as I’m doing it, quickly tells me to stop because I almost pushed BB’s head out… She then tells me to simply relax through the pressure and not push anymore.
And then we wait… Wait for NICU arrive. *Nothing* can start until NICU arrives so they can be on standby, in case BB’s not breathing when it comes out.
After what feels like forever, the NICU doctor and nurses finally enter the room, get set up super fast and my OB doc tells me it’s time to push.
So I push once and Charles yells out “haaaaaaair”. I then push again annnd BB is OUT, screaming at the top of its lungs, with a head full of hair and a BOY.
Born at 2:27am after two solid pushes, our baby boy was 3lb. and 5oz and I couldn’t have been more surreally elated.
As they were placing baby on my chest and the NICU doc approved delayed cord clamping, my immediate thoughts are 1) he’s soooo small and 2) the Geico “wehadababyitsaboy” commercial.
The next couple of minutes are a blur…
I remember Charles eventually cutting the cord and me telling him to ‘stay with our baby’ when the NICU nurses took him off my chest to the warmer bed. I remember giving birth to my placenta and my OB doc stitching up my 1st degree tear. I remember the NICU doc coming over to ask about BB’s medical profile to better anticipate how to respond in care and my sharing that BB had multiple cysts on its left kidney but right kidney was working just fine – per the weekly ultrasound appts I had been going to since we found out at 16 weeks pregnant.
I remember responding to all general questions in a low volume, feeling as if I had lost my voice even though I hadn’t yelled or screamed whatsoever during my labor.
I remember someone finally asking what’s BB’s name and Charles saying loudly, “Beau”. We had had two names on standby in case we had a boy and Beau was definitely the most appropriate.
I remember the NICU doc and nurses carting Beau away in his heated incubator and the Doc telling us they would call us to come down to the Neonatal wing in about 45 minutes.
I remember Charles coming over, dapping me up and telling me our baby had all five fingers and toes and big balls with pride and that I’m a beast for laboring so long naturally.
I remember asking my nurse if I could see my placenta as they were cleaning me up and her bringing the container over and giving me a very informative anatomical breakdown of the placenta. I remember Charles walking over and taking a picture of said placenta; for memory’s sake lol.
I remember our room eventually clearing out and it just being the two of us in the room. Just me and Charles… Going through all the video footage he had captured to recount everything that had just happened… Waiting patiently, anxiously to get the call from NICU that we could come down and see our baby Beau.
I may have even napped for 20 minutes in the downtime?
Finally, when my nurse returned, I got into a wheelchair and we rolled over to our new room in the postpartum wing. The minute we put our bags down, the nurse got a call that Beau ready for us and so we headed down to the NICU.
When we arrived to his room, I remember trying to stand and see him in the isolette but feeling weak and sitting back down in the wheelchair. Thankfully, the isolette had a motor that allowed it be lowered to my viewing level so I could see my Beau.
I remember thinking that, despite the oxygen and wires all around him, that Charles and I had created a beautiful baby. Only affirming that we had picked the perfect name for him… Beau meaning ‘beautiful or handsome’ in French.
30 minutes of staring at Beau through the glass, I was struggling to keep my eyes open and was brought back our room where my nurse helped me change into a monster postpartum pad with ice and witch hazel and then showed me how to pump my breasts to initiate the milk bearing process.
Boobs pumped and a humble 1 milliliter (.2 of a teaspoon) of milk acquired in a little syringe (that was sent down to the NICU for Beau), I was tucked into bed around 4:00am… Only to wake up 7:00am to pump again – marking the beginning of a new pumping lifestyle.
Another 3 hour sleep session later, Charles and I ordered breakfast, showered and headed back down to the NICU to spend the rest of our day, getting as much quality chest to chest time with Beau as we could.
And so concludes our positive birth story while also marking the beginning our NICU story = an emotionally tumultuous four week experience that I’ve yet to begin processing.
All I can gratefully share right now is that Beau graduated from NICU last week and has been settling in well at home. And by settling in well, I mean he’s already marked the territory by peeing on the wall during a diaper change lol.
It still hasn’t sunk in that Charles and I are actual parents but the new title feels more real with a sense of true belonging as each day of caring for our Beau goes by.
Until next post.
xo, Setarra
P.S. To all my grammar folks, I am fully aware that I jumped back and forth between past and present tense in today’s post. In my defense, I’m a new Mama who is is figuring out the flow of an every 3-hour diaper/feed care schedule at home… Ain’t nobody got time to self-review/copy edit these days.
P.P.S. Typing and pumping at the same time should be an acknowledged resume skill.
