After four weeks of steady growth and progress, Beau was finally ready to graduate from the NICU on September 22. But before that could happen, a final round tests/ultrasounds, CPR training and bunch of paperwork needed to completed and processed… It was a long, emotional day.
In the midst of everything going on, our nurse unexpectedly asked if we’d like to have photos taken with the hospital’s in-house photographer. In response, Charles looked over at me and said, “Your call.”
My initial thought was to decline. Our energy was feeling very vulnerable and I was protective of that… Unsure about having a random stranger, who I hadn’t built a repore with, come in and take our photos.
On the flipside, I did want to capture this moment in high resolution. Hello, I’m a photographer myself and *love* photos… But having some sort of trust established between a photographer and client was important to me. So I asked if I could speak with the photographer before making a decision and the nurse went to call them down to our patient room. 20 minutes later, the photographer arrived and reassured me with their responses to all my questions about what the process was.
Feeling more comfortable, we went ahead with the portrait session and, looking back through them as I draft this post together, I’m soooo glad I said “yes.”
Sure, we weren’t prepared ahead of time to take family portraits. Our clothes were randomly thrown on and uncoordinated. Beau was going through a very common bout of baby acne. I had been crying throughout the day, didn’t have a lick of makeup on and the under eye bags were especially baggy. But these are all superficial things that didn’t really matter at the end of the day.
What I see when I look at these photos is a newly formed family of three. Ready to finally go home after four trying weeks in the NICU. Excited and anxious about this next chapter in life. I see Love… I see Us.
We’ve been home for two weeks now and are only just starting to figure out the pace and flow of our new family lifestyle. It’s been exhausting yet fufilling at the same time… A zombie-like fog we’ve been living in; getting up every three hours to care for Beau.
So far, personality wise, Beau is revealing himself to be super zen and chill… Except when he’s hungry or we change his diaper or burp him. That’s when he goes from 0 to 100 real quick and the squirmy, vocally high pitched, hulk of a rager inside him comes out lol.
This morning, my calendar sent a push notification reminding me that today, October 9, is Beau’s (originally projected) due date. It’s an event I put on my calendar wayyyyyyyy back in March after my OBGYN appt confirmed that Charles and I were indeed pregnant after “trying” for a long while… So crazy to to think that Beau’s been earthside for a month and a half already.
These past nine months have been a wild ride with things escalating in the third and fourth trimester. It’s an experience that I’m still processing (especially the NICU part) but, ultimately, I have no regrets with how things have manifested.
I’m a freaking MOM. I have a SON. My boyfriend/fiancé/husband of 14 years is now a DAD… er correction, FATHER (don’t ask me why but that’s what Charles wants Beau to call him lol). Like, wow. Shit is really real now that we’re out of the hospital and finally home. #thankfulgratefulblessed
Until next post.
xo, Setarra
P.S. In case you missed it, my anticipated Libra child decided he wanted to be a Virgo, arriving 6 weeks early after my water broke at 32 weeks and it’s a plot twist we’ve been adjusting and adapting to ever since. You can read our birth story here.
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